Tommy

Now little Tommy didn't like to play by the rules
People made the mistake of taking him for a fool
They say he got no direction, won't go very far
But he got a direction, headed straight for the bar

They say, 'heed my warning Tommy,
You gonna need to slow down
If you don't do that Tommy
Then you'll end up in the ground.'
Now listen to me Tommy,
They say you're walking on a thin wire
But even if you get burnt,
What's life without the fire?

And he says, 'I'm gonna bleach my hair,
Draining all the colour
And I don't really care what they think about it
I'm gonna get away,
Do you feel the same?
And if I got a tattoo could it say your name?'

Drink, drive, feel alive,
He got a tattoo on his back saying never nine to five.

Breakdown

'I thought you had it checked.'
   'I did, I mean, I- '
   'Harry...'
   'He wanted four hundred quid for it!'
   'Oh, for god's sake, Harry! You always do this. You always, always- '
   'Four hundred bloody quid, Angie! I could put that towards a new car.'
   'And what are we supposed to do now, Harry? You're supposed to sort things out! What am I supposed to do when- for god's sake, you can't even sort out a car, never mind anything else... Well, Harry?'
   'I wish I had a new car. A nice shiny new car.'
   'Oh well, problem solved! Pillock.'
   'You know what, Ang, I just might get myself a bloody new one.'
   'What, and just leave me with this piece of shit? And what am I supposed to do?'
   'First thing in the morning, I'll go for a new one. I'll- '
   'Oh stop it, Harry! We've got more important things to think about.'

Hiding a Secret From God, Part Two: Fear

There shouldn't be another me. The Lord makes us all as individuals. I want to close my eyes but what if she moves, jumps out and gets me? She is not me, of that I am certain. So what is she?
   As a child I thought I was staring into my soul., begging me to free her. I ran at the little girl and she ran towards me and in a smash of stabbing pain and shrieks that shards of my soul dug into my flesh. Doctors and nurses stabbing me more with tubes and needles: silly little girl, Mother said. Yes, I know, it's a silly fear really. A child's fantasy. My soul is in me, where God placed it.
   And yet, whenever I see myself stood before me I feel that pain.
   Ah, but here I am safe. Under the watchful eye of Mother Superior. There is no need to look at myself. What is outside is trivial, merely trivial, compared to what is within me.

Hiding a Secret from God

Oh yes, religion has always been very important to me. I owe so much to the Almighty. Believing in him is like carrying a companion with you wherever you go. Figuratively! Figuratively, of course. Yes, the church has always been my sanctuary. People can be so cruel, so judgmental in this world, but what I love about God is that he loves us all. He's so forgiving. Oh yes, sweet, forgiving, merciful God.

Monologue

It's a lot brighter in here than it is outside. Too bright, if you ask me. The rooms on either side all look the same.
   I take out my headphones and wipe my face. I'm wearing a leather jacket of all things. I mean, I know it's Newcastle, but really? My phone's getting damp in my hand.
   Why would she call me? What could she possibly want? She didn't even leave a message, so clearly she wants to talk to me in person. Oh god. Oh god, oh god. I undercharged that woman yesterday. But surely she would have left a message? It must be something worse.
   God, that time years ago when I was playing on my GameBoy and I heard Mam yelling for me from downstairs. But it wasn't just a yell, it was a proper angry yell. She used my full name and everything. I dropped the GameBoy and ran under the bed. I didn't even save the game.
   My phone's ringing, booming round the whole corridor. It's her. Christ, twice in one day? It must be urgent. I should really just answer., it's probably nothing. But what if it's not?
   Right, I'll go to this lecture and by the time it's finished, I'll probably have calmed down enough to ring her back. She might even leave a message this time.

Birds and Cages

I was kept in my room and told I couldn't leave until morning. Get some sleep, that's what he said. Demetto? Dragerro? Was that his name? I can't remember. He's gone now. He had him killed when he tried to touch me. I got so angry the room shook.
   That was ten years ago. I would fight him now. I would kill him myself.
   No. No, I wouldn't. That's the point. I remember ten years ago when I wasn't allowed to leave my room, and I yelled and screamed and shouted.
   And today, Aknesh told me I had to stay in my room, that I couldn't watch the full moon, and I just nodded. And he shut the door. And he's still there now. And I realised how much I have changed.
   It's very interesting. Maybe one day I will change back. Or change again into someone who commands and is not commanded. I must work on my presence.
   But how much does someone change? I'm already nineteen. How much more growing up do I have? Sometimes I stick my hand out of open windows and pretend I'm a bird. I could fly south for winter, or north, or east, or west. Because I could.
   I would just push off and fly away. If* I escape, I'm going to fly all around the world and see everyone and ask them all about what adventures they have had.

* If! That's unusual. What an odd thing to say: 'if'. When I leave this place I'm going to read this back and laugh at how stupid I am now. I'll be sitting in the highest branch in the tallest tree in a huge forest, sleeping under the stars. And I'll laugh at how stupid and inexperienced I am now. Free me will have presence.

Song of the Week

This week's song of the week is CHICK HABIT by April March.

This song made fame by making (and defining) the soundtrack to Quentin Tarantino's film Deathproof. It fits the film perfectly as, like Tarantino's work, it's cheeky, cool and not to be taken 100% seriously.

The song is short and sweet. In it a guitar riff is layered over by a girlish chant of lyrics warning a man to 'hang up his chick habit' before he does something he regrets. The lyrics give a sense of humour, but also of foreboding. Despite the childish quality to the vocals, these don't sound like girls you want to mess with. After every few lines the vocals are interrupted by siren-like warning sounds, increasing this feeling even more.

It's a silly, fun song. It all feels a bit tongue and cheek, especially with the band cooing the word 'Daddy' after every other line. They're playing a part and mocking it all at the same time, and that's what makes this song so great.

Best Lyric: 'Oh how your bubble's gonna burst/ When you meet another nurse/ She'll be driving in a hearse'

Book of the Week

This week's book of the week is UNION STREET by Pat Barker.

This is a bit of a forgotten gem of a book, as Barker is more well known for her novels depicting young men at war. However, her portrayals of North-East working class women struggling to get by are just as, if not more convincing.

Union Street is not a novel as such, but a collection of short stories about women of all ages whose lives are connected. These women live on the same street, and are familiar with one another. Some are even friends, but Barker's differing viewpoints show just how little they know about each other, and therefore highlights the irony in the title's reference to 'unity'.

The thing that most impressed me about this book's narrative is the beautiful amalgamation of gritty realism and poetic escapism. Barker isn't shy in her descriptions, they're often dirty, disgusting and (as consequence) harrowing and effective. But interspersed within these bleak depictions are moments of an otherworldly beauty. Maybe this is a reference to how much the women want to escape. Maybe it's Barker stating that this kind of life isn't so bad after all. But that's the beauty, it leaves it to us, the reader, to decide.

This is one of my favourite books of all time. It will stay with you long after you close it.

Perfume

The scent of her perfume,
Lingers on you.
For you to catch the scent,
For you to learn of a love,
That you came into and wrecked.

And me and her, we're ashes on the ground,
A dank and musty tomb,
But it's okay, you don't mind.
You still have her perfume.

Rendezvous

More and more travels up from the glass,
And the pink froth starts to descend,
The glare on the window masks the beach,
But salty air squeezes through the battered beloved walls.
In the glass you see yourself,
When time was an endless stream and life was a simpler thing,
But the liquid lowers and swirls in your mouth,
Counting down to the present scene.
And the barking and bellowing of life begins to fade,
The sunlight in the room lowers,
And there's movement in the tide.
Savor these final bubbling droplets,
Before it's time to face the outside.