I was kept in my room and told I couldn't leave until morning. Get some sleep, that's what he said. Demetto? Dragerro? Was that his name? I can't remember. He's gone now. He had him killed when he tried to touch me. I got so angry the room shook.
That was ten years ago. I would fight him now. I would kill him myself.
No. No, I wouldn't. That's the point. I remember ten years ago when I wasn't allowed to leave my room, and I yelled and screamed and shouted.
And today, Aknesh told me I had to stay in my room, that I couldn't watch the full moon, and I just nodded. And he shut the door. And he's still there now. And I realised how much I have changed.
It's very interesting. Maybe one day I will change back. Or change again into someone who commands and is not commanded. I must work on my presence.
But how much does someone change? I'm already nineteen. How much more growing up do I have? Sometimes I stick my hand out of open windows and pretend I'm a bird. I could fly south for winter, or north, or east, or west. Because I could.
I would just push off and fly away. If* I escape, I'm going to fly all around the world and see everyone and ask them all about what adventures they have had.
* If! That's unusual. What an odd thing to say: 'if'. When I leave this place I'm going to read this back and laugh at how stupid I am now. I'll be sitting in the highest branch in the tallest tree in a huge forest, sleeping under the stars. And I'll laugh at how stupid and inexperienced I am now. Free me will have presence.
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